Stress Stress Stress

My mom freaked out at me today... It was really, really annoying. She's been freaking out at me the past few days though; absolutely no warning she just starts yelling about the dumbest shit! This time it was about being rude to my little sister (she's twelve and very demanding). Absolutely all I did was say, "hey I'm in the middle of something, I'll take you to Starbucks after I'm done". Remember all those times you didn't bother complaining to the manager at a restaurant because your waiter was an asshole or incompetent or whatevs? I guess I get to see that complaining goes a long way, I swear when I'm President I'm going to outlaw it, grow the fuck up and stick it up your arse (in my case that would be impossible I don't have a butt ;)).

Anyway I "may" have taken a few hyndromorphone pills (this is important because I'm technically off the pain meds). I felt much better afterwards! Thing is I think I may have low serotonin levels, I am missing quite a few vital gut parts and supposedly that's important for happy chems production. I just feel very empty inside at times, one of the few things that keeps me going is I have to make it; not for myself but so I can show everybody that my brother and sister ostomates are the biggest achievers out there! I want to make this disease and surgery the least taboo thing you can think of, and that practically means changing human nature itself. 

My buddy Kellan had his house for the night today, I could have gone there and I'm sure we could have had a great time. My friend Anukul from the U also was having his 22nd bday part tonight, and while I could have skipped the bar (since I don't have a fake) a great after party was planned. Weird thing was I didn't even think of it till now, considering how extroverted I had become in the two years when the disease got the worst... I just hope I haven't lost it...

Addendum Time! My stats for today: 

Bag Empties: Five (leaving out the usual empty before bedtime)

Bag Gas Releases: Three

At the end of every blogpost that I write from now on I'm going to be posting a little addendum (kind of a liability waiver), this blog... it's full of (or will be full of) swear words, sex, parties, fights, my true feelings on matter etc. etc. I'm not trying to be an asshole, but you know what? When you have some crazy disease that nearly kills you everybody expects you to be this huge role model when you come out of it. They want you to be... There's no other word for it, a Hero. I plan on being that, but I also plan on doing crazy, awesome shit, I plan on being a bro tool sometimes, on being a dick. We ostomates, we can be regular people too, having a poop bag doesn't have to stop you from living life to the fullest (and not just in angelic terms) I plan on leading the example. You know that game Elder Scrolls Oblivion? Where the Imperial Legion soldiers always scream "Remember the Emperor!" when they fight? Well here's my counter, REMEMBER... THE... OSTOMATES!!! Party King Juma out, (man I'm such a nerd...)

Wow I just figured out I can write a title on this haha...

Today was interesting, I managed to stay up all night (so I've been awake for 48 hours straight :D). Now what did I choose to do with my time? OZ the prison drama and Fallout New Vegas of course ;). Anyway, my supplies finally came in from the Health Care Place. I had an EPIC battle with "King" today when I was doing the change. The Hollister bags I was using weren't working well, so I did the change and dear God did it fucking hurt like hell! Coloplast Brava strips should not be applied directly to your skin with a hair dryer on high... hahaha.... Anyway when I was getting everything done I put on the new tech wrong, (I didn't know how to use my new waterproof seals), so I had to do the change like three different times. Then while I was in the shower with no pouch on "King" decided to be a little prick and poop all over the tub, then all over the carpet, then on my pants etc. etc. Fucking asshole, (hey I made a pun :), get it asshole)? However I won the epic battle with minimum damage to the walls and my clothing (not gonna lie I punched a few things and screamed a bit, luckily nobody was home).

Another good thing happened to me today, this girl I like agreed to go out with me next week :), I'm incredibly excited! I've known here since my sophomore year and always had a bit of a thing for her, but she was always dating someone. We went to a big party at Zeta Beta Tau about two months before my surgery and kind of had a thing for a bit, but there was some drama there (ladies please don't break your sobriety when I'm trying to get some, it's a major cockblock). Anyway I'm about as excited as can be about this!

I also wrote a letter to a guy who has the disease I used to have at my old Military School. Poor guy... I still remember trying to cope with all the issues of the disease (that was undiagnosed at the time) while simultaneously trying to be all you can be and all that jazz. I survived, no, not only that I excelled while I was there, and this guy I think will do the same.



At the end of every blogpost that I write from now on I'm going to be posting a little addendum (kind of a liability waiver), this blog... it's full of (or will be full of) swear words, sex, parties, fights, my true feelings on matter etc. etc. I'm not trying to be an asshole, but you know what? When you have some crazy disease that nearly kills you everybody expects you to be this huge role model when you come out of it. They want you to be... There's no other word for it, a Hero. I plan on being that, but I also plan on doing crazy, awesome shit, I plan on being a bro tool sometimes, on being a dick. We ostomates, we can be regular people too, having a poop bag doesn't have to stop you from living life to the fullest (and not just in angelic terms) I plan on leading the example. You know that game Elder Scrolls Oblivion? Where the Imperial Legion soldiers always scream "Remember the Emperor!" when they fight? Well here's my counter, REMEMBER... THE... OSTOMATES!!! Party King Juma out, (man I'm such a nerd...)

Well I do hope this blog won't falter, I seem to have forgotten to post the last few days. I won't lie and say I've been busy either, really I just made sure my car was working ok by taking it to our awesome mech in my old neighborhood. He's a total boss, he made me feel a million times better by showing his surgery scars and saying that he had some intestinal issues too. I also once blew up his toilet for forty-five minutes the morning after a rager at the Zeta Kappa house... I lied and said I drank too much and had the beer shits (this was before I was comfortable discussing my disease) but my old man explained that I had stupid colitis. Totally understood too since one of his relatives has chron's, it's actually pretty amazing how many people know what that is. People have been doing good awareness raising, because I didn't know what the hell it was till I ended up with it.

Back on topic I also had a business meeting about going into real estate just like my dad :), the old man took us for gyros at an awesome place on the landing with my brilliant business partner D-tov. Hopefully we'll be starting classes for our licenses pretty damn soon (next couple weeks). I also think I may have hooked up with the cash register girl from the food joint at some point... I"m not sure, in my pre-ostomy days I was in a lot of pain, and therefore very likely to do crazy, random shit and now even remember it; she was staring at me pretty hardcore.

Anyway that was horribly uninteresting, today I spent the entire day watching Parks and Rec and Greek, what a waste of my life I just want to go back to the gym. I do, however appreciate playing massive amounts of Fallout 3 :D

If this post seems a little off I took a rather sizable amount of morphine pills today... Back on the narcotics again unfortunately, because for some reason the ass that I DON'T HAVE, started hurting like hell. Weird huh?

My parents say that I should write my feelings out  so I stop screaming and punching things when my stoma decides to poop all over my favorite tooth brush... (yes that has happened multiple times). I was in agreement, because beating the crap out of my wall doesn't really seem to fix very much, matter of fact because I haven't put my pouch on "King" (my stoma) decides to just go completely insane.

Perhaps I should back up a little, who am I? Why am I writing this? Why did God make pandas? These are all very important questions, but to answer the first two; my name is SJ. I just turned 20, and I am... fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, wearing a poopbag for the rest of my life. My surgery was on 04/12/2013, and I am now a proud Ileostomate and the owner of a stoma named "King". Pooping out of my stomach, is actually kind of cool. I suffered from an extremely severe case of ulcerative colitis, colonic volvulus and just a generally jacked up digestive system in general. Apparently my silly sally of a colon decided to wrap itself around my spleen and kidneys, so it was basically either this or die. As an inspirational quote on google images put it "It's better to have a bag, than be in one". 

I honestly thought I would have more to say today, but the best blogs have it come out as it goes along right? So moving on, what did I do today, I watched a shitload of absolutely terrifying Japanese Horror Movies, played Fallout 3, grabbed a couple coffees with my business partner and then played more Fallout.

I wish I could say that going out on the town was the most interesting part of my day, but we just talked about the Real Estate School we're signing up for; the most interesting thing I did today was snipe three raiders at once in the VATS system with an Alien Disintergrator. It was absolutely phenomenally badass, God I need a life. 

Anyway, I'm off to wank off and chain smoke my way back to the Xbox, toodles!